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Epiphanies, John Darnielle, and Art Shows

This weekend was gigantic and life feels huge, and I’m having a hard time 1) condensing it into bite-size epiphanies for myself and 2) updating the internet about it in a satisfying way. It’s not actually huge news in the blatant excursions of life, but more in the ramparts of my own growth. Because hell, we all know adulthood is fated to happen, and this growth after college graduation has been spurned mostly by my own strange, huge, distant yet droolingly palpable ambitions. But recent events have finally made me burst with realization, and the power of it all continues to strike me, over and over, to the point where once an hour I scream into fits of giggling at the truth that I know something now, something I had intellectually known but hadn’t truly felt before.

Here’s a drawing I did at my friend Caitlin’s house Saturday night, after the Book Arts Fest at the Minnesota Center for Book Arts (MCBA). The drawing was on her to-do list and grew unreasonably, so she graciously let me have the whole page (click to view larger):

But let’s start with Friday night. Here’s a photo of me with John Darnielle, the frontman and oftentimes only member of the band The Mountain Goats. He is an artist on my short-short list of people who are incredibly influential and important to me:

I met him and Neil Gaiman, the writer, at an event in St. Paul at the Fitzgerald Theater called Wits. During intermission I went over to the stage where John and Neil were talking. They noticed me and headed over, hunkered down, and each took one of my hands in theirs. As they held my hands, I looked up and told them how I felt so thankful towards them and their work. How they changed the trajectory of my life, and they thanked me, looking down and smiling.

Art is humanity. Art is empathy. John Darnielle and Neil Gaiman, those individuals are humans. I could feel that as they held my hands. Meeting people like that, the hugeness of their impact on you is never communicated. Their art is so much huger than them. And that moment made me see their humanity and realize just how fucking gigantic art is and what it achieves.

So, as I’ve mentioned on this blog, I’ve been part of two shows this month: the Minneapolis Indie Xpo (MIX) and the MCBA Fest. Here’s a photo of me behind my table at MIX, taken by my friend Amaya:

After you graduate college you don’t have grades. You don’t have measurements, societal standards, to follow your growth by. These shows were incredible for me; I feel so grateful for how people have reacted, I cannot begin to explain how high my self-confidence is right now. I’m so grateful for everyone who came out and chatted with me, whether you bought something or not. I feel so good about my work, that all I want to do is curl over my table and draw. Which is close to how I always feel, but now I feel dreadfully good about it.

I started this post with a drawing I did at my friend Caitlin Warner’s house. I’ve been friends with Caitlin for over ten years now, and as people who are only just hitting their 20s, that’s a huge portion of our lives. My friendship with her can sometimes get turbulent, but last night was amazing. We’re each growing on different trajectories now, but so many important moments and epiphanies I’ve had have been brought about through her influence. I’m hugely grateful for my relationship with her, it’s made me evolve in ways that cannot be measured, and will probably impact me for the rest of my existence.

There isn’t a conclusion to reach with the weekend, at least one that I’m willing to type out. I’ve had an epiphany, realizing the empathetic, human, gigantic importance of art and what it achieves. I feel strong and horrifyingly capable; so strong and so capable, in fact, that it’s going to be hard to continue to bow my head and do the work. Or maybe it’ll be easier. This takes time, I know it, and I want it to take time. I don’t want it now. I want to work, and make work that’s incredible. So, thanks to everyone, everywhere, for all your hard work at what you do. Thank you for your humanity. I don’t know all of you personally, but I can feel your sweat and your toil, and it’s more than enough jarring energy to do this.

I’ll see you at the end.

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 20th, 2011 at 6:36 pm and is filed under Art, Conventions, Photos, Sketches, Theorizing. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 Responses to “Epiphanies, John Darnielle, and Art Shows”

kevinczap Says:
November 20th, 2011 at 7:04 pm
Yes. All of it, yes. That’s it. At MIX, I said something to Kevin Huizenga (one of, if not my favorite cartoonist) like his work helped keep my going. I was sort of just rambling, grasping at whatever was the first thing that came into my head. On immediate reflection, I thought that sounded pretty dramatic. But thinking about it a few days later it felt absolutely true, not just in regards to Huizenga’s work, but art in general. Art does make it all worth continuing and I’m reminded of that power everyday. So I’m glad to read this, capturing that feeling so well.
fuckface mcwhatever Says:
November 21st, 2011 at 1:49 pm
CATHY! i am so relieved to read this. you are amazing and you deserve to feel great all the time.
Cathy Says:
November 21st, 2011 at 9:45 pm
Dear Misster Fuckface, I love you and miss you.
Cathy Says:
November 21st, 2011 at 9:47 pm
Awesome! Let it be said now: No one should stop embarrassing themselves to artists they love.

Epiphanies, John Darnielle, and Art Shows

4 Responses to “Epiphanies, John Darnielle, and Art Shows”

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