Melt, July 21
Preparations for the impending move mostly feel good, but every so often I get a dramatic surge of frustration. I’m a complete mess, really; no projects I’ve started feel good enough or capture me. The art I’ve been consuming feels not only bad, but destructive– only recently have I decided to pull the plug on even trying to like things that feel wrong. I had a great conversation a couple nights ago about this, and we acknowledged our snobbery, but it felt more like a defense strategy. Being positive and nice is always number one, but actively trying to enjoy things that feel destructive to your psyche? Not so good. Consume the good stuff, the stuff that inspires you. Surround yourself with it. Cut out what doesn’t jive, or you may find yourself on a distracted path (as I have been continually finding myself on for months).
The “mess” also is coming from feeling like a patchwork of time and space. It will be consolidated soon after this move. Or something like it. Threads that have been started will either be mercifully abandoned or given the attention they need. I don’t think any of this is bad, by the way. I don’t think I’d want to be completely focused my entire life, being a mess right now is fine. I just need to acknowledge it and make sure the next solo path I choose is enriching.
I’m treading, treading, treading that goddamn water until this month is up.